Tricked him again

I went to the dentist this morning. I HATE the dentist. I had braces for five years, starting when I was 10. They even asked me to wear one of those headgears all day long (because that makes middle school sooo much easier). They also pulled about four of my teeth for no reason at all. Apparently, my teeth are too big for my head (that's flattering). And when I finally was released from this metal-mouth prison, they told me I had about a thousand cavities. And it was somehow my fault? I mean, really, the nerve of these people is astonishing.

When I finally graduated from high school, and my mother wasn't around to take me by force, I stopped going to the dentist. Three years later, I had one of those nightmares where all your teeth turn gray and fall out. I made an emergency appointment the next day, and have been going to the dentist since then.

When I graduated from college, I had to find my own dentist, and a friend referred me to someone whose office had fancy TVs on the ceilings and individual radios on each chair. I quickly figured out how he could afford all the nifty gadgets. He wanted me to undergo about $10,000 of dental work.

So I am decidedly not a fan of dentists. I am, however, a loyal patient to my current dentist. After the $10,000 fiasco, I got a second opinion, and was told my teeth are just fine. As long as he keeps telling me that, he and I are golden.

Anyway, I made my semiannual trip to the dentist this morning (following, mind you, my major sugar overdose yesterday). I tricked him again! I got the thumbs up, left the dentist's office, and walked down the street for my traditional post-dentist Dunkin Donuts celebration. See you in six months, sucker.

Around the world in . . . hey, is that chocolate?

Warning: I have the attention span of a 2 year old right now.

Indonesia, Taiwan, Italy, England. I’m doing a world candy tour, and I visited four countries today. Now, alas, I am seriously regretting haven eaten little more than chocolate all day long. I’m in class, and I’m coming down from my sugar high. It’s rough. The Diet Coke isn’t helping. I know what you’re thinking….”why would someone with a blog about doughnuts and a serious sugar addiction bother with Diet Coke?” I don’t know. Somehow, it makes me feel better. See? I’m even blogging like I’m cracked out.

But my sugar frenzy was fun while it lasted. The enabler brought me several snacks from the farmer’s market – a candy bar from Taiwan, a weird cookie-dipping chocolate from Indonesia, and of course some Cadbury from England. I happened to have some Nutella, so I pulled that out too, just to make it a nice even number. And then for a healthy snack I had a cup of yogurt (with mini M&Ms stirred in). So now I’m totally strung out on sugar.

But tomorrow’s a whole new day, and I intend to resume my world tour at the crack of dawn. Sooo, readers, any good ideas for some international junk food? I need multicultural candy.

Fall in Atlanta

I was strolling through the grocery store with my partner this spring, and we saw huge mesh bags of Fla-Vor-Ice in the "spring" aisle (you know, where they sell ugly plastic sandals and citronella candles). I used to have them all the time as a kid, but I hadn't had a Fla-Vor-Ice in a long time. So yes! we got a huge mesh bag. She went back the next week and got another. I was eating four or five Fla-Vor-Ices a day for a few weeks, I totally overdid it, so then I slowed down pretty dramatically.

For the rest of the summer, I'd have a couple a week. Well, last week I noticed that I had eaten all the blues and greens and purples and reds and oranges, and all that was left were those gross yellow ones. So I brought them to work in hopes that someone around here would help me. No luck. All the gross yellow ones are still in the freezer.

Well, I needed an afternoon snack - just a little something to make me feel refreshed - so I ate a Fla-Vor-Ice (ok, I ate two). Now my teeth are chattering and I'm sitting in front of a space heater with a sweater on.

Yes, the air conditioning is suddenly feeling arctic, it's dark before I get out of class, we have a blanket on our bed again, it's fall in Atlanta.

Another clever coworker

A post-it note left on the top of a box of doughnuts in the breakroom at my office. And just so you know, Mr. Smarty Pants, there are FOUR doughnuts left. And it's already Wednesday.

The enabler strikes again

This is all that is left of my Monday snack. An empty, flattened box of Skittles Xtreme fruit bubble gum. Who knew Skittles made bubble gum?

Anyway, the enabler brought it to me. The enabling started about two years ago. Cast your mind back . . .

He brought in a twinkie the he had purchased for his two daughters, 10 and 13 years old. They were at the grocery store and the 10-year-old saw twinkies and said something like “Oh my god, I didn’t know twinkies were actually a real thing!” Then began the “please Dad, please!” and the enabler caved.

When they got home from the store, they tore the box open, unwrapped a twinkie, ate one bite and said “gross.” Now the enabler had a box of twinkies and no one very interested in eating them. So he brought one to work.

At first I thought I probably wouldn’t eat it. I don’t remember ever really eating twinkies, much less liking them. But it was sitting on my desk, and I was kind of curious, and the next thing you know, it was gone.

I finished that box of twinkies. And became the last resort for all the candy that the enabler’s daughters rejected. Sour patch kids, “cheap” chocolate, probably those peach chews I told you about. It all ended up with me.

Enabler of the Week

This is long overdue. Yes, I had a red velvet cake at my wedding. It was fantastic. But that’s not what made me the most sugar-addicted bride in the world.

THIS is what earned me that title.

My best friend Cassi, proud enabler for 9 years and running, was the genius behind this creation. Apparently, she called Krispy Kreme, but they don’t “do” cakes. They referred her to some crazy guy who “does” donut cakes, but he explained to her that “it’s wedding season, and I’m just so busy right now. I’m sorry, but I cannot help you!” What? Are you kidding me? If you’re a bride or groom out there who wanted a donut wedding cake, I’d like to hear from you. For that matter, if you’re anyone who knows anyone who wanted a donut wedding cake, tell me about it.

Anyway, Cassi, with the able assistance of our friend Caryn, built this magnum opus from cake stand up. It was gorgeous. Chocolate iced with sprinkles, a few original glazed, ribbons and a two-bride cake-topper. I’ve seen nothing like it in my life.

For this, Cassi deserves the enabler of the week award. Thank you, Cassi, for making the after-party a smashing, dunking success.

Eat your vegetables

My partner's mother is a MAJOR enabler. She bought me a fondue set last year for Christmas, and provided the chocolate for the first several rounds of fondue. We did the usual - strawberries, pound cake, graham crackers and such. But I had this fantastic idea while I was eating breakfast this morning. I had waffles with nutella - and you know, nutella tastes good on anything. I dare say chocolate tastes good on anything, too. So my favorite vegetable (because yes, I do in fact eat vegetables) is asparagus. I'm seriously considering trying asparagus dipped in chocolate in my fondue pot.

Soooo, reader poll:

Is this a good idea (say yes, say yes!)?

If so, dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

TWO DAYS IN A ROW!

As I mentioned in the last post, yesterday was a special occasion. My partner and I celebrated our 5 year dating anniversary. I say dating anniversary because one month ago, we got married, so now we have two anniversaries.

Now, I wasn’t your typical bride – I didn’t spend much time looking at flower arrangements, bridesmaids’ dresses, or updo’s. But I searched far and wide in my quest for the perfect wedding cake. When all was said and done, I had tried six cakes from three different bakers.

And it was worth it. My cake was this fantastic, three-tiered, cream-cheese frosting enrobed, red velvet masterpiece. See? Isn't it fantastic!? People actually ate the cake at the wedding, and I think they enjoyed it. That’s unheard of with wedding cake. My partner and I got the top tier and put it in the freezer. But with a lesbian wedding, it’s pretty easy to buck tradition.

So last night, on our 5 year dating anniversary, we took out the ol’ top tier and ate it. I mean, why wait until its freezer-burnt beyond all recognition? Plus, she promised she’d buy me a brand new cake on our 1 year anniversary. And it was delicious.

All this to say, TWO DAYS IN A ROW! Cake for breakfast two days in a row.